Birthday!

So I haven't been around much lately. A friend died, and that sort of put me in a funk for a while. Then I've just been busy with stuff, and, well, the blog got neglected.


Last night was The Argentinian's birthday party. It was a lot of fun. More enjoyable than the other parties we've gone to, mostly just cause I knew the majority of the people. Or maybe I've just gotten more outgoing at parties, so that I don't mind the unknowns so much. Who knows. But it was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, the cops got called cause of noise I guess. Which, even though I was having a lot of fun, and could've kept having a good time, I was kind of glad that it meant we'd be going to sleep soonish. haha. I'm so old! But it was really fun getting to meet some new people, and seeing some others that I haven't seen in a really long time.

Hi.

So I haven't posted here in forever. I started blogging over at Vox, and so I ended up neglecting this blog. Sorry. But I am alive. And doing rather well, despite what the last few posts are about. I'm happy. I'm moving on with my life.

Let's see...how can I best summarize what I've been up to. I've been going out tons. I went home for Christmas/New Years. Since getting back I've decided not to go out quite so much due to various reasons. I decided I needed to cut back on all of that, cause it wasn't the smartest/healthiest thing to do.

The Argentinian briefly wanted to get back together. Then didn't. All in the matter of a few days. Oh well. Considering I had already been feeling happy without him, it was easy to keep on feeling happy without him. I have kind of given up trying to figure out what will ever happen between us. And I no longer worry whether or not we will get back together. I know either way I will end up being happy.

I'm going on a cruise with some of my friends in April. I'm extremely excited about that. I haven't gone on a real vacation in years it seems like. So, this is very much needed.

I got promoted at work, which I don't know if I mentioned before. I probably did.

I am going up to Sacramento next weekend. I am looking forward to that as well.

Well, that's all I can think of, though obviously a ton of other stuff has happened. Some I just don't to post here since everyone I know in real life has this blog address, and that is partly why I started posting over at Vox. Some anonymity. But I promise I'm going to be posting here a lot more often from now on.

Weekend Update

So this weekend was pretty fun. I drove up to Dana Point on Friday night and stayed with my friend and her husband. It was a little hard at first, cause as a fairly recently married couple, I felt I could see parts of their lives that could've been mine. But I didn't let myself dwell on it. Didn't want to be a downer.

Saturday morning, or afternoon actually, we went up to this apple picking place (me and the married couple). That was fun. We picked apples as well as made some cider. I haven't been to a place like that in years. So it was a nice fall-like activity.

Saturday night I met up with an old friend to go get some drinks. We went to dinner, where he ate and I actually just got a drink. After that we drove around Redlands looking for a suitable bar. We finally ended up at The Boiler Room, and then stayed there for a few hours. We had a really fun time. He's a fun drinking partner, so it usually ends up being enjoyable.

Then this morning, Sunday, I went back to the other friend's house (the married one) and hung out there and we made a pie. That was fun. She's really into making pies I guess, so it was fun to learn how to do that, I've never done that before. We used the apples that we had picked the day before.

After that, I just drove home and have been wasting time on the internet for the last few hours. I should've done laundry or something for the week, but I'm just so unmotivated to do something like that. Tomorrow I guess...

All Hallows Eve

Last night was Halloween. I wasn't planning to go out. As much as I am trying to make myself go out and do things I wasn't necessarily in the mood to go out til all hours of the night (or morning, as the case may be). But I at the last minute decided to accept an invitation from a friend, bonus that he said that he and his friends weren't going to be staying out too late. I guess a benefit of hanging out with other people who work. So I went over to said friend's house, and we hitched a ride out to PB with one of his other friends. I am grateful she had room for me. So after a little bit of pre-partying at yet another friend's house, we headed out to our destination. It turned out to be pretty fun. It wasn't the crazy packed experience of bars or halloween parties past, but it was fun in it's own right. I was glad I went out. The people were all super nice, though I had met some of them at a Halloween party we had gone to last year. So it was fun. I had a good time. And I even managed to get almost enough sleep.

Last night, for the first time since this whole break up ordeal, I laughed. A real, genuine laugh. For the span of a few hours, some old friends were able to take my mind truly off the whole reason I came home for the weekend to begin with. Sure, today it's back to feeling sad, and missing him. It's hard to deal with the fact that I think this is now officially the longest I've ever gone without seeing him since we met. It's hard to deal with all of this. But for a brief, fleeting amount of time, I was able to take my mind off of it. To laugh. To feel happy. For that, I am grateful.

Blank and Empty

Today so far has been both extremely hard, yet a little better in the crying department. I've started to tell some people, now that I'm fairly certain it is over. I feel so...empty. So blank. I don't get pleasure out of anything. I can't find anything I feel like doing. TV does not hold my interest, no matter what I find is on. Reading through some blogs on the internet does not help either. Nothing does.

Today he will finish getting all of his things. I know it's masochistic or something, but I would like to be here. I would like to see him just one more time, even if it is just for a few minutes. I do not know when I will see him again. Weeks, months, who knows? I know I hope that things will change. That we can go back to at least dating. But I don't know. I don't at this point have much faith in that, as much as I hope it happens. I obviously can't force anything. Just pray that what is best happens. I truly believe being with him is what is best, what is meant to be. It is especially hard because we are not breaking up under any bad conditions. We still care enormously for one another. Still love each other. So I can't just call him a jerk or something and be angry, and get over it. Instead I just sit and wonder what my life will be like without him. Which brings me back to feeling so empty. Everywhere, there are memories of him. Even my room, since we lived together. There is not many places that I will be able to go that will not have some memory of him, or of us. That kind of sucks, quite frankly.

I just want to thank all my friends and family, who have so far been so fabulous to me. So caring, and so kind. Though ultimately I am the one who has to deal with this, and get through it, knowing that you all are there for me helps. It doesn't take away the pain, but it helps to know that I have you to lean on. You to call up and cry to. To drive 2 hours round to come pick me up and take me back to your house so I won't have to drive myself while being so upset, so I won't be in this empty room tonight, all alone. Noticing the absence of his things.

hello. remember me?

Wow...I've really just been awful about updating this thing. I partially blame my work, because they sent around this email with their, no joke, blogging policy. So now I'm a little worried to do it there. I should probably just get over it, since I do a number of other things at work I'm not supposed to do.

So a lot has been going on around here. First, I got a promotion at work. So that's exciting. Especially as I had written previously how I needed some sort of change in position, or else I would need to perhaps find another job. Perhaps they read my blog? I hope not. Disasterous.

The Argentinian and I have found a location for our wedding, and thus also have a wedding date. So that is exciting. Next August 10 we will make it official. It is getting me a little bit more excited about the wedding. I've been having some trouble getting into the whole planning excitement for this wedding. Instead I was more just like, "Can we just move on to the marriage part?" So finally booking something (could we have taken any longer? I think not.) helped to make it more real and exciting.

Today one of my bridesmaids is coming down to do some wedding stuff with me. We will be looking at some bridesmaid dresses and seeing if I can find something that I actually like, that isn't crazy expensive. I don't believe in having someone have to buy a dress that is unreasonably price, that they don't even really get to pick. You know?

The Argentinian's mother has come to visit us again. She found a good deal and was able to book it and actually leave like the next day. It's nice to get to spend some more time with her, and getting to know her.

I've also been reconnecting with some old friends lately. For some reason I know all these people that live rather close, but just don't get around to talking or seeing them very often. It really is rather sad, so I am wanting to make more of an effort to maintain those friendships.

Other than that, not much else going on around here.