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From Photos of me ...

every once and a while, a moment comes where i feel just so content and happy with my life. it's not usually when i'm out at a party or something with friends. it's those really quiet moments. earlier this evening i was lying in bed with the argentinian. he was drifting off to sleep, while i lay awake watching the stars slowly come out through the window. i suddenly felt that this was all i needed to be happy (not in a "i need a man to be happy" kind of way, but in a "simple things can make your life seem full" kind of way). i had his arms around me, as he nuzzled up closer to my neck, while he whispered, "i love you" so quietly that it's only between him and i, and i felt completely happy. i think i could be the luckiest girl in the world.

i'm not sure why, but i have been dubbed the next one at work (in our team) to get engaged by this one woman. now, there aren't a whole lot of us single gals left on our team. i think there are maybe 4, not counting the 2 that are engaged (oh, and the one guy who is single, who has been with his girlfriend for 12 years. that's right. 12 years. i think he should just do it already). and one has been with her boyfriend a whole lot longer than me and my boyfriend. i mean, not that it matters the length of time you are with someone, and not that i wouldn't be absolutely 100% thrilled to be engaged to my boyfriend if it were to happen. but i'm just not sure how i won that title.

why is it that every time i come to work dressed in a more "professional" way my boss is never around? here i am, trying to make a good impression, present myself the way i'm supposed to if i want to get promoted (or so i have assumed from what was said) and it's all for naught. i swear. every. single. time. of course the days i wear jeans Boss is always around.

the poor man's lindsay lohan

now that miss lohan is in rehab, you may be concerned that you won't get your daily fix of her. but never fear. for there is another young starlet (though perhaps B-list?) to take her place. at least in the looks category.

behold exhibit A, the real lohan:



exhibit B, jena malone (who i happen to find VERY annoying. especially in pride and prejudice):



do they not look very similar? i'm sure it is mostly that they are both sporting long dark/blackish hair. they look way more alike than i ever have noticed.

question

when it's nearly 3:30 am, and you have to be up by 6:15 am or so, do you make it an all nighter, or do you try and sleep for the 2+ hours you have left? i hate it when i have so much weighing on my mind. things get so complicated now. i truly long for the days when things were simpler.

there's no better way to drive home the thought to lose a few pounds than when the sales girl brings you three pairs of jeans to try on, and they are all too small.

the other day i went to the hair salon to FINALLY get my roots done (it had been far too long. but unexpected expenses which seemed more important than vanity kept coming up). while i was there i was reading through an issue of US Weekly, and i couldn't help but wonder how all the "it" girls could handle going out night after night. i am usually tired by 11pm lately on a week night. i can maybe manage to stay up til 1am or so if it's a saturday night. i used to be much more able to go out, and have a good time, and stay out til all hours of the night with friends, whether it was a week day or weekend. i know i'm a little older, but really only by a year and a half. can my energy level have fallen that much in such a short time? that seems quite a slippery slope. i know part of it has to do with the fact that i now have a job that i have to get up for, and attend on a regular basis. not classes that don't start til noon, or that i can skip. but on top of all that, i don't always even have the desire to go out as often. which is too bad. i'm only 24, and i should probably enjoy the time and freedom i have now. soon enough it could be gone. i could get married, and have a family. and by that time it will be too late. i think part of the reason i don't have the desire (aside from getting tired early) is that i may associate the going out with trying to distract myself from my life not being happy. when things are going great with my life, i'm happy and content. i don't need to go out so i don't have to think about it. when things aren't so perfect, suddenly i'm more up for it. but i really don't want to have this bad association with going out. maybe i should try and change that. not that suddenly i want to go out everynight. but more often than before. maybe go out to a bar or club a little more often than i'm used to (which is hardly ever). not cause i want to go and drink a lot. that's not what i mean at all. but just to go out and have a good time like i used to once and a while before i'm in total settle down mode and can't really do it anymore.

one more time, with feeling

so i've been looking through old pictures lately (well, not that old, but from the early part of 2006). and i know it's stupid, and superficial, but really, i was in better shape. people always say, "like you could ever be fat." but you know what, i bet there are TONS of people out there who got told that, and they are fat now. it's a slippery slope. you gain 2 pounds one year, 3 pounds the next, five after that, and before you know it, you are 20 pounds heavier than you used to be. sure i'm skinny now. i'm no where near fat. but really, do i want to let it get to the point where it's a huge struggle to lose that 25 pounds i put on, cause it crept up on me? no. no thank you. i prefer to fight my battles while they are small. and right now, it looks like i'm in for a little bit of a battle. i've put on maybe 5 pounds since the beginning of last year. maybe a little less. but i reached my highest weight ever in the last year, and that's a little depressing. so, i am making an official statement, in writing, for everyone to see. i am planning to get down to my ideal weight by...umm...i'll say end of march. we'll see if i can make it. who knows. but i'm going to give it my best shot.

i swear i'm not a techie of any sort

but the new iphone looks super cool. even cooler than when jen and i first got a look at the new itunes and were (sadly and geek-ily excited about it). i totally want one. too bad they are $500-$600. i guess they don't come out til june. and in december maybe since my contract is up i can barter some sort of discount or credit towards a new phone.

review

thursday 5:12 pm:
receive email about end of year review appointment with boss on monday afternoon. 4:00 pm - 4:30pm.

friday-sunday:
forget about end of year review appointment.

monday 9:30 am:
remember appointment with boss. wonder if you will get a raise.

monday 12:30 pm:
realize your appointment is at the end of the day. could you be getting fired? why else would you be getting your review so late in the day?

monday 3:45 pm:
rationalize that if you were getting fired, they wouldn't do your review on a monday. you would have it at the end of the week. why would they have you come work for just one day in the week?

monday 4:00 pm:
enter boss's office, recieve raise. breath sigh of relief.

i'll be the girl

i'm not sure why this tiffany song came into my mind today. but for whatever reason, it's there, and to be honest is kind of stuck in my head at the moment. i never really gave this song much thought. but then i started thinking about it, and it has kind of a not so great line, that could be a bad message. "I'll be the girl, that you want me to be." i'm sure young tiffany didn't think much about this either when she sang it in malls across america. but it kind of promotes changing who you are to attract a boy, and keep him from "even looking at other girls". now other lines are more sweet and acceptable. it's just that part in the main chorus that kind of got me thinking. we should be who we are (guys and girls), and not change who we are to make someone like us. i know that a lot of people make that mistake. at least when they are younger in age. i know i did. there was at least one or two boyfriends i had where i wasn't 100% myself, cause i didn't want him to change how he felt about me. luckily i grew older, and wiser, and snapped out of that. i decided that if someone didn't like me for who i was, then that isn't my problem. cause there are lots of people out there who will love/like me for who i am.

new year

well, it's a new year. a new start. a time to make resolutions that won't make it til the end of the month most likely, let alone the end of the year. i didn't make one specific resolution this year (well, i guess i did say i was going to save money), but a more general one that covers kind of a lot. i recently read those are harder to stick to, but oh well. i decided just to take better care of myself all around. health wise, as far as eating and all of that stuff that goes along with it. also taking a little more time for me, to think, figure things out, and relax. i tend to kind of get caught up in more trivial things and not taking as much time for myself as i always should. not that i am feeling a need to like "have space" or "be alone" or anything to where i want to neglect any of my relationships, but just even if i'm with someone else really taking care of my needs a little bit more, since i've not been doing that as much as i should have always. i guess kind of just making sure that i am happy (not to make it seem like i was unhappy before). so that's my resolution this year. sure, it's kind of vague, but i'm happy with it that way.