Blank and Empty

Today so far has been both extremely hard, yet a little better in the crying department. I've started to tell some people, now that I'm fairly certain it is over. I feel so...empty. So blank. I don't get pleasure out of anything. I can't find anything I feel like doing. TV does not hold my interest, no matter what I find is on. Reading through some blogs on the internet does not help either. Nothing does.

Today he will finish getting all of his things. I know it's masochistic or something, but I would like to be here. I would like to see him just one more time, even if it is just for a few minutes. I do not know when I will see him again. Weeks, months, who knows? I know I hope that things will change. That we can go back to at least dating. But I don't know. I don't at this point have much faith in that, as much as I hope it happens. I obviously can't force anything. Just pray that what is best happens. I truly believe being with him is what is best, what is meant to be. It is especially hard because we are not breaking up under any bad conditions. We still care enormously for one another. Still love each other. So I can't just call him a jerk or something and be angry, and get over it. Instead I just sit and wonder what my life will be like without him. Which brings me back to feeling so empty. Everywhere, there are memories of him. Even my room, since we lived together. There is not many places that I will be able to go that will not have some memory of him, or of us. That kind of sucks, quite frankly.

I just want to thank all my friends and family, who have so far been so fabulous to me. So caring, and so kind. Though ultimately I am the one who has to deal with this, and get through it, knowing that you all are there for me helps. It doesn't take away the pain, but it helps to know that I have you to lean on. You to call up and cry to. To drive 2 hours round to come pick me up and take me back to your house so I won't have to drive myself while being so upset, so I won't be in this empty room tonight, all alone. Noticing the absence of his things.