Holiday Spirit(less)

Well, the holidays are almost here. Practically the Holiday Season, within the next few weeks, I suppose. This is always my favorite time of the year. But this year? Not looking forward to it so much. Why? Because he will not be there. Being alone on during the holiday season has never been a particular problem of mine. Less gifts to buy, which in turn means more money saved. I barely manage to get through the gift buying as it is. Not that it's about the money. But with family and friends around, it doesn't usually bother me that I don't have that Special Someone there with me. But this year I'm already dreading it. I already feel that slightly heavier loneliness. We won't be driving up to my mom's house together. We had such fantastic talks during those drives. About the future. How we wanted to raise children. Our dreams. We won't be doing that next year. No spending New Year's Eve together, and having that first kiss of the year. All these things that I just assumed that we'd be doing every year for the rest of our lives, we aren't going to be doing. And all of that has me just not looking forward to this upcoming holiday season. Cause I know that I'm going to just end up thinking about him so much. It happened during Halloween, so why not these more significant holidays?

(Sorry this post sounds like such a downer. I swear I'm trying to post more positive stuff from now on. Part of the healing process or something: not so much focusing on the negative.)