19 Weeks

Well, I'm about half way through the pregnancy now. About 19.5 weeks. This is a picture I took a few days ago:



The little guy (Penguin) is definitely moving around in there. His kicks are getting strong enough that I even felt them on the outside over the weekend. Sadly, the Argentinian didn't get to feel them. Whenever he came over to feel Penguin either stopped moving, or kicked too softly that only I could feel it. Hopefully it'll happen soon enough that he can experience that.

We went up to Pasadena this past weekend to hang out with my family. It was quite a group of us, each with significant others. Eight total. Next year, we'll have the baby with us, so it'll be even more of a production. But, I always look forward to this yearly trip. It's a fun thing we started doing. We went to a comedy show on Saturday evening after eating dinner. Once the show was over everyone (sans dad and his girlfriend) went walking around Old Pasadena looking for some food and drinks (non-alcoholic for me obviously). We ended up going to a place called Hot Wings, as that was the only place that wasn't to "sit down restaurant-like" that was still open. One of my brothers ordered a glass of wine, which everyone laughed at. I mean, who goes to a place called Hot Wings, and then drinks wine (along with some french fries)? But we all had fun until we started getting a little tired and headed back to our hotel. Sunday, after breakfast, we went to the shop my dad's girlfriend owns and shopped around for a little bit. It's a cute little shop with little gift type things and books and all of that. Shortly after that, we split up (my brothers with their wife and girlfriend to the airport, us making the drive home) to head back home. My air conditioning in my car decided to break, so it was a pretty hot drive. I was dying during the first part of the drive home. Luckily I fell asleep so that I slept through most of the hot part. When I woke up, we were only about 20 minutes from home. So much cooler down here. But, I still need to get the AC fixed. I don't know if I'll be able to make it through the rest of the summer without it.

Loathes and Loves on Tuesday 7.29.08

Loathes:

- that it seems that, after semi writing out what we spend each month, we should have much more money left over each month
- that it's only Tuesday
- feeling so tired and congested
- being hungry (easily fixable, I know)

Loves:

- that I'll be seeing my family this weekend
- feeling the baby move
- baby clothes
- work day finally over
- actually having the energy to consider going to the gym tonight
- skin really clearing up after initial rush of pregnancy hormones

Recent Recap

It's been about a week or so since I've updated this blog. Hopefully I'll keep getting better and better at updating this one. This past weekend we had some of Argentinian's relatives staying with us. It was really nice and fun to meet them. They were so sweet and bought us a video camera for our wedding gift. They also bought a couple outfits for the baby.

I've been battling a cold or something (I hope it's not allergies, as that takes away all hope it will go away soon) the last 5 or so days. I am finally able to breath comfortably through my nose. Though one is still stuffy a majority of the time. But, it is at least getting better.

This weekend we are going to Pasadena to meet up with my family (well, sans mother) for our what seems to be annual weekend together. At least with my dad.

The pregnancy is going well. I felt the baby move the other night in a "I'm sure that's the baby and not my stomach digesting" sort of way. It was....strange. But great. I've never felt anything like that before (obviously). And I can't wait to feel it more regularly. So far I haven't felt anything so definite again. But I'm sure as the weeks go on I will.

Month

Well, it's been a month since Argentinian and I have gotten married. And it's going wonderfully. It unfortunately seems our honeymoon will likely be put off for a while longer, as we are expecting a baby (a boy!) at the end of the year, Christmas to be exact, and I think I rather save up my days for that. We can always take a vacation. My father has already offered to watch the little guy when we decide to go on one. Very nice.

So... nothing else besides the big news of a baby to report. We went last Friday for an ultrasound, and everything looks like it's going well. The kid even appears to have a cute profile. We're both very excited, and can't wait to meet him. I am hoping these next five or so months go by quickly. I just want to get to the fun part (though I know it will be tons of work) of actually having the baby here with us.

Wedding Recap

The Argentinian and I are officially married! I just realized that I never posted anything about that here on this blog. It's tough maintaining two blogs. Let me tell you. I always end up posting more on my anonymous blog since I feel like there's more of a community (or something) there. This poor original blog has been rejected. I feel so ashamed. Anyway... on to the details

Well, the wedding went just wonderfully. We got married downtown at the Westgate hotel, and I would recommend them to anyone wanting to get married in the San Diego area. They were so wonderful and helpful throughout the whole process.

Anyway...I (and the Argentinian) couldn't have imagined a day more perfect. We didn't see each other at all before the ceremony, so it was a complete surprise how each other was going to look. Right before walking down the aisle, while standing outside the doors, holding on to my dad's arm, my heart suddenly started beating so fast. I don't know the last time I felt my heart beat so hard. But by the time I reached the end, and was up there with the Argentinian, any nerves had subsided, and I was just so excited. He looked so handsome. The ceremony was nice, not too long, not too short. We couldn't stop smiling and staring in each other's eyes when we got the chance. The whole night went by so quickly, looking back. What was actually 7 or 8 hours felt like 2 hours. I can't wait to see the pictures. So far we have a few from his sister that she took, and those turned out really nice.

My New Favorite Drug

So I am sitting on a plane right now flying up to Sacramento. I leave from there tomorrow afternoon for my cruise. And I just got to say, I am loving the Xanax prescription I got for the multitude of flights I am having over the next couple weeks. So far I’ve handled take off (always nerve wrecking for me), a decent amount of turbulence, and flying through very hazy/foggy conditions, and haven’t even felt tense. Sure, in my mind I kind of have a little I hope we don’t crash type of thought. But very minor. I’ve been happily snapping pictures out the window, fooling around with some pictures to change effects, and, of course, writing blogs to post once I am again connected to the internet. If anyone has a fear of flying I 100% recommend you take some Xanax. It will make your life so much better. Oh…more turbulence. Didn’t even phase me.

Birthday!

So I haven't been around much lately. A friend died, and that sort of put me in a funk for a while. Then I've just been busy with stuff, and, well, the blog got neglected.


Last night was The Argentinian's birthday party. It was a lot of fun. More enjoyable than the other parties we've gone to, mostly just cause I knew the majority of the people. Or maybe I've just gotten more outgoing at parties, so that I don't mind the unknowns so much. Who knows. But it was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, the cops got called cause of noise I guess. Which, even though I was having a lot of fun, and could've kept having a good time, I was kind of glad that it meant we'd be going to sleep soonish. haha. I'm so old! But it was really fun getting to meet some new people, and seeing some others that I haven't seen in a really long time.

moving!

Ugh... I typed up a whole post, and it got deleted. How annoying...

ANYWAY...

I'm moving. I found a new apartment, and I will be moving in on April 19th. Just a week (or a little less) than when I get back from my cruise. I am so excited. It is not only closer to the beach (which is my main reason for moving...I really didn't want to endure the heat of living so far inland. Plus, who doesn't want to live close enough to walk to the beach?), but it is also closer to work, and close to the Argentinian. We could walk to each other's houses. So, even though it's more expensive than where I live now, I will probably be saving a fair amount of money on gas since the places I go most are going to be much closer. Plus, I think the extra money is totally worth it to have a place I can call my own, roommate free. I've just really been craving having a place that is just mine, and I can do and decorate it as I please. Very exciting. I'll try to post some pictures once I get everything all settled and all. Just a month away. I can't wait!

Update On Things

Well, kind of a lot has been going on. Which is partly why I haven't been updating very regularly (like I said I would be). So...here's what's new...

Biggest news...the Argentinian and I have gotten back together. Not engaged back together, but, dating back together. I'm sitting on his bed as I type this, and he is learning a song on the guitar that I like. Very sweet. Anyway...we've been slowly seeing each other over the last few weeks, talking, slowly ramping up to the official boyfriend/girlfriend status. I couldn't be happier. So if you have something negative to say, I'd prefer you keep it to yourself. I know I'm taking a risk. And I know I could end up getting hurt again. But, I don't care. I think that things will turn out much differently this time around. Already things are so great.

Lesser news...I am taking on some new stuff at work. This is good since I have been having way too much time on my hands the past couple months. But at the same time it makes me a little nervous since some of this is stuff I'll be managing all on my own, which is something new for me. So, scary and exciting all at the same time.

The cruise is coming up pretty fast. Just about four weeks from now. I am SO looking forward to that. I just wish the Argentinian was coming with me. But, I know I will still enjoy it. How can you not enjoy spending a week in the Caribbean?

Hmm... well, I think that's about it that I have to say for now.

FINALLY

LOST is finally starting tonight. I thought it was starting at 8, but turns out this first hour is just a recap. Which...eh...I was really hoping for a 2 hour episode. But I'm so excited for the new season, I don't even care.

I 100% agree

Clowns are creepy...

Hi.

So I haven't posted here in forever. I started blogging over at Vox, and so I ended up neglecting this blog. Sorry. But I am alive. And doing rather well, despite what the last few posts are about. I'm happy. I'm moving on with my life.

Let's see...how can I best summarize what I've been up to. I've been going out tons. I went home for Christmas/New Years. Since getting back I've decided not to go out quite so much due to various reasons. I decided I needed to cut back on all of that, cause it wasn't the smartest/healthiest thing to do.

The Argentinian briefly wanted to get back together. Then didn't. All in the matter of a few days. Oh well. Considering I had already been feeling happy without him, it was easy to keep on feeling happy without him. I have kind of given up trying to figure out what will ever happen between us. And I no longer worry whether or not we will get back together. I know either way I will end up being happy.

I'm going on a cruise with some of my friends in April. I'm extremely excited about that. I haven't gone on a real vacation in years it seems like. So, this is very much needed.

I got promoted at work, which I don't know if I mentioned before. I probably did.

I am going up to Sacramento next weekend. I am looking forward to that as well.

Well, that's all I can think of, though obviously a ton of other stuff has happened. Some I just don't to post here since everyone I know in real life has this blog address, and that is partly why I started posting over at Vox. Some anonymity. But I promise I'm going to be posting here a lot more often from now on.

Booze and Schmooze

Last night I had an Editorial Board Meeting for work. Which was rather dull. But short at the same time. When I first arrived I met with my coworker in the lobby and we went to get a drink at the bar. Shortly after ordering our boss, and her boss, walked up to us. Awkward looks exchanged between my coworker and I. Caught drinking before a meeting. Oops.


After the meeting was a reception that had an open bar (not just wine and beer as I had feared), and some pretty amazing food. So we continued to drink, and occasionally talk to an editor or someone like that. It was primarily like a fancy party. The food was so good I wish I had stolen some to take home and eat today.

I am having the hardest time getting out of bed this morning. Ugh... I guess I need to finally get up and get ready. I wish I could just lay in bed all day, and watch movies. So relaxing.

Weekend Update

So this weekend was pretty fun. I drove up to Dana Point on Friday night and stayed with my friend and her husband. It was a little hard at first, cause as a fairly recently married couple, I felt I could see parts of their lives that could've been mine. But I didn't let myself dwell on it. Didn't want to be a downer.

Saturday morning, or afternoon actually, we went up to this apple picking place (me and the married couple). That was fun. We picked apples as well as made some cider. I haven't been to a place like that in years. So it was a nice fall-like activity.

Saturday night I met up with an old friend to go get some drinks. We went to dinner, where he ate and I actually just got a drink. After that we drove around Redlands looking for a suitable bar. We finally ended up at The Boiler Room, and then stayed there for a few hours. We had a really fun time. He's a fun drinking partner, so it usually ends up being enjoyable.

Then this morning, Sunday, I went back to the other friend's house (the married one) and hung out there and we made a pie. That was fun. She's really into making pies I guess, so it was fun to learn how to do that, I've never done that before. We used the apples that we had picked the day before.

After that, I just drove home and have been wasting time on the internet for the last few hours. I should've done laundry or something for the week, but I'm just so unmotivated to do something like that. Tomorrow I guess...

Holiday Spirit(less)

Well, the holidays are almost here. Practically the Holiday Season, within the next few weeks, I suppose. This is always my favorite time of the year. But this year? Not looking forward to it so much. Why? Because he will not be there. Being alone on during the holiday season has never been a particular problem of mine. Less gifts to buy, which in turn means more money saved. I barely manage to get through the gift buying as it is. Not that it's about the money. But with family and friends around, it doesn't usually bother me that I don't have that Special Someone there with me. But this year I'm already dreading it. I already feel that slightly heavier loneliness. We won't be driving up to my mom's house together. We had such fantastic talks during those drives. About the future. How we wanted to raise children. Our dreams. We won't be doing that next year. No spending New Year's Eve together, and having that first kiss of the year. All these things that I just assumed that we'd be doing every year for the rest of our lives, we aren't going to be doing. And all of that has me just not looking forward to this upcoming holiday season. Cause I know that I'm going to just end up thinking about him so much. It happened during Halloween, so why not these more significant holidays?

(Sorry this post sounds like such a downer. I swear I'm trying to post more positive stuff from now on. Part of the healing process or something: not so much focusing on the negative.)

All Hallows Eve

Last night was Halloween. I wasn't planning to go out. As much as I am trying to make myself go out and do things I wasn't necessarily in the mood to go out til all hours of the night (or morning, as the case may be). But I at the last minute decided to accept an invitation from a friend, bonus that he said that he and his friends weren't going to be staying out too late. I guess a benefit of hanging out with other people who work. So I went over to said friend's house, and we hitched a ride out to PB with one of his other friends. I am grateful she had room for me. So after a little bit of pre-partying at yet another friend's house, we headed out to our destination. It turned out to be pretty fun. It wasn't the crazy packed experience of bars or halloween parties past, but it was fun in it's own right. I was glad I went out. The people were all super nice, though I had met some of them at a Halloween party we had gone to last year. So it was fun. I had a good time. And I even managed to get almost enough sleep.

Last night, for the first time since this whole break up ordeal, I laughed. A real, genuine laugh. For the span of a few hours, some old friends were able to take my mind truly off the whole reason I came home for the weekend to begin with. Sure, today it's back to feeling sad, and missing him. It's hard to deal with the fact that I think this is now officially the longest I've ever gone without seeing him since we met. It's hard to deal with all of this. But for a brief, fleeting amount of time, I was able to take my mind off of it. To laugh. To feel happy. For that, I am grateful.

A Feeling of Calm

At some point this afternoon the cloud that had been hanging over me the whole evening before, and the day so far, had lifted. It felt like this feeling of peace, of calm, came over me. I'm not sure why. But I suddenly felt like everything was going to be ok. Not in a "Don't worry, you'll find someone" way. But in a "Don't worry. Things will work out between you two. Just focus on better-ing yourself, and it will all work out". I know that this could all be some cruel joke. But I really don't think so. I really hope it isn't. I feel like if I'm just patient enough, and that I give him the time he needs, that things will work out eventually. This may prove foolish. But for now, I'm holding onto this feeling. This feeling of peace or calm is nice. I've really been praying about this, and thinking about this a lot. So I think things will be ok. I still know I can't count on it 100%, but this feeling for now makes me...happy. Happy to feel content that this is just a little bump in the road. So just don't rain on my parade, no matter how naive it seems.

Memories

Last night was rather hard. Stumbling across, and then reading, a card from our anniversary (the day he proposed) was difficult. Ever since I've felt like I'm just in this funk. This black cloud hanging over my head. Not that I was fantastic before, but at least I wasn't wanting to cry all the time.

I've managed to not wear my ring all the time. Though I still keep it with me at all times. It hangs around a chain on my neck. I'm not ready to not have it with me. To be completely separated. I still wear it on my finger sometimes at home. My hand feels bare without it.

It's strange. When we first got engaged, it felt weird to wear that ring. Aside from looking at it all the time, I could physically feel the ring on my finger. It felt right to wear it, but I wasn't used to it. Now that I'm not wearing it, I feel bare without it. Now my finger feels odd without the ring on. Today on the way to work I noticed I had accidentally put the ring (not engagement) I was wearing on the same finger as my engagement. My mind's been wired to wear it on my left hand. Now it feels odd to be wearing a ring on my right hand.

Life As I Know It

The last few days have, obviously, been difficult. I went up to a friend's house on Saturday, after saying by to him while moving his stuff out. It was very hard, saying goodbye. I still love him dearly, and I still hope that he will eventually change his mind. I spoke with him on Sunday evening. I had called him cause he had called a friend of mine. I was wondering why. He had apparently told my friend how wonderful I was, and that I'd find someone great someday. I told him how I had already found someone great. Him. That he is the one I wanted to be with. Even if we never got married, as long as I could be with him, that is what I wanted. Even if we were just dating now, and not engaged, to be with him. He said, "Just give me time." So that gave me a little bit of hope. But he also said eventually I'd be ok. So I am obviously trying to not get my hopes up about anything. I don't want to think we'll be getting back together when he has no plans to ever do so.


Do you know what one of the hardest things is? Sleeping in an empty bed. When we first started spending the night with each other, I used to not sleep so well. He was a close sleeper. Cuddling. I was not used to that. But then as time went on, especially when we started living together, it became hard to sleep alone. When I'd go home for the weekend, or something like that, it would take me a while to fall asleep. I find myself cuddling up with pillows to make it easier. But my sleep still isn't the same. I miss having that person in the bed with me. It makes me feel...so alone.