It was all in the stars...

Looks like I was destined to work in this industry, according to this article on MSN:

Virgo
Happiest when serving others, Virgo thrives as a doctor, nurse, and, with your love for small animals, veterinary medicine. You also have considerable writing skills, and with your highly retentive mind, you'd be a fine editor, researcher, or critic. Majoring in communication would open countless doors for your brand of perfectionism and productivity.

I do really love writing, and wish I did that more for a living. I'm hoping to get into some freelance type stuff over the next few months. I did want to be a doctor (OBGYN), but realized I just didn't want to be in school for that long. Plus, as much as I find biology interesting, chemistry is definitely a nemeses of mine.

there's something you don't see every day

I was at the supermarket last night with The Argentinian buying some drinks and snacks before going home to watch a movie. In the checkout lane next to us was a guy buying a personal sized tub of ice cream. It kind of made me smile to myself, as the stereotype is of a girl sitting at home alone on a Saturday night, eating ice cream (or cake, or some sort of sweet). Not that I think he was sitting at home, pining over some girl. But you never really see a guy just buying a whole tub of ice cream for himself to eat that night.

flying the "friendly" skies

so the argentinian and i are making plans to fly down and see his family. an important part in our relationship if we are ever going to take the "next step" so to speak. originally we were flying down together on one date. then now, it turns out we will be flying separately on the way down, with him leaving earlier, and then together on the way back up (hopefully). the more i think about this, the more it terrifies me. most people may not know this, but i have a bit of a fear of flying, which sadly gets worse over time instead of better. "how bad could it really be?" you may be asking yourself. well, i've started to get that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach just thinking about the long flight. i get nervous enough on the 1.5 hour flight going back to visit my hometown. this is like a 10+ or more hour flight. most likely over water (the worst kind of flight, cause if the crash doesn't kill me, i'll certainly be eaten by sharks). i was considering an american airlines flight, but after reading this i'm not so sure. that's an awful lot of suspected terrorist acts on those flights near the end. even if no one else died, i think the trauma of that would possibly the final straw in my already waning courage to fly. a connecting flight i would take in argentina has only had two deaths. one is from food poisoning, so i obviously won't eat any in flight food (can you imagine dying just from some stale food? it had to have something pretty bad wrong with it to kill someone). and another is from severe thunderstorms in the area, and the plane crashed shortly after take off. as it is during winter down there when we would be going, that is not the most comforting, but i'm sure i'd just wait for the weather to clear if i was too scared. i think if i end up having to fly alone i'm going to need a benzodiazepines or something to tranquilize me. i don't want to turn into one of those crazies they have to restrain on the flight. ok, i probably wouldn't go all batshit crazy or anything, but i don't think i'd be much fun to sit next to for 10+ hours unmedicated. and those little weak alcohol drinks planes serve are expensive.

question

when it's nearly 3:30 am, and you have to be up by 6:15 am or so, do you make it an all nighter, or do you try and sleep for the 2+ hours you have left? i hate it when i have so much weighing on my mind. things get so complicated now. i truly long for the days when things were simpler.

the other day i went to the hair salon to FINALLY get my roots done (it had been far too long. but unexpected expenses which seemed more important than vanity kept coming up). while i was there i was reading through an issue of US Weekly, and i couldn't help but wonder how all the "it" girls could handle going out night after night. i am usually tired by 11pm lately on a week night. i can maybe manage to stay up til 1am or so if it's a saturday night. i used to be much more able to go out, and have a good time, and stay out til all hours of the night with friends, whether it was a week day or weekend. i know i'm a little older, but really only by a year and a half. can my energy level have fallen that much in such a short time? that seems quite a slippery slope. i know part of it has to do with the fact that i now have a job that i have to get up for, and attend on a regular basis. not classes that don't start til noon, or that i can skip. but on top of all that, i don't always even have the desire to go out as often. which is too bad. i'm only 24, and i should probably enjoy the time and freedom i have now. soon enough it could be gone. i could get married, and have a family. and by that time it will be too late. i think part of the reason i don't have the desire (aside from getting tired early) is that i may associate the going out with trying to distract myself from my life not being happy. when things are going great with my life, i'm happy and content. i don't need to go out so i don't have to think about it. when things aren't so perfect, suddenly i'm more up for it. but i really don't want to have this bad association with going out. maybe i should try and change that. not that suddenly i want to go out everynight. but more often than before. maybe go out to a bar or club a little more often than i'm used to (which is hardly ever). not cause i want to go and drink a lot. that's not what i mean at all. but just to go out and have a good time like i used to once and a while before i'm in total settle down mode and can't really do it anymore.

one more time, with feeling

so i've been looking through old pictures lately (well, not that old, but from the early part of 2006). and i know it's stupid, and superficial, but really, i was in better shape. people always say, "like you could ever be fat." but you know what, i bet there are TONS of people out there who got told that, and they are fat now. it's a slippery slope. you gain 2 pounds one year, 3 pounds the next, five after that, and before you know it, you are 20 pounds heavier than you used to be. sure i'm skinny now. i'm no where near fat. but really, do i want to let it get to the point where it's a huge struggle to lose that 25 pounds i put on, cause it crept up on me? no. no thank you. i prefer to fight my battles while they are small. and right now, it looks like i'm in for a little bit of a battle. i've put on maybe 5 pounds since the beginning of last year. maybe a little less. but i reached my highest weight ever in the last year, and that's a little depressing. so, i am making an official statement, in writing, for everyone to see. i am planning to get down to my ideal weight by...umm...i'll say end of march. we'll see if i can make it. who knows. but i'm going to give it my best shot.

i swear i'm not a techie of any sort

but the new iphone looks super cool. even cooler than when jen and i first got a look at the new itunes and were (sadly and geek-ily excited about it). i totally want one. too bad they are $500-$600. i guess they don't come out til june. and in december maybe since my contract is up i can barter some sort of discount or credit towards a new phone.

i'll be the girl

i'm not sure why this tiffany song came into my mind today. but for whatever reason, it's there, and to be honest is kind of stuck in my head at the moment. i never really gave this song much thought. but then i started thinking about it, and it has kind of a not so great line, that could be a bad message. "I'll be the girl, that you want me to be." i'm sure young tiffany didn't think much about this either when she sang it in malls across america. but it kind of promotes changing who you are to attract a boy, and keep him from "even looking at other girls". now other lines are more sweet and acceptable. it's just that part in the main chorus that kind of got me thinking. we should be who we are (guys and girls), and not change who we are to make someone like us. i know that a lot of people make that mistake. at least when they are younger in age. i know i did. there was at least one or two boyfriends i had where i wasn't 100% myself, cause i didn't want him to change how he felt about me. luckily i grew older, and wiser, and snapped out of that. i decided that if someone didn't like me for who i was, then that isn't my problem. cause there are lots of people out there who will love/like me for who i am.

a range of emotions

i went down to the vending machine today to get a soda, and something to snack on while i worked. i put in my change for my bag of candy, and the little metal spiral stops short of my candy falling down. a slight grunt of disappointment escapes my throat. then, magically, the spiral starts turning again, and not only does my bag of candy fall, but another bag of candy falls. giving me two for the price of one. also, during my search for vending machines, i came across a statistic that over 50 people have been killed in the last 28 years since vending machines have been around (1978). that's almost 2 people a year. death by vending machine - that's rough.i know that this second picture is of a japanese vending machine, but i just loved that it was an egg vending machine. that's right, it despenses brightly colored eggs. how cute.

old people shouldn't be allowed to drive

why should they not be allowed to drive? because a couple of times recently (including today) some careless old person has almost just come from their lane out of nowhere into mine. and then proceeded to wander back over to theirs. why isn't there more regulation on old people with licences?

ecstatic

i got my new computer today, and i love it. that is all for now.

engagement

first off, no, i am not engaged, if the title made any people suspect that is what this was about.

i just overheard a woman at my work announcing to some people she is now engaged. i myself was talking about engagement last night with the argentinian (not in a "we're planning on getting engaged/talking about getting married sort of way"). he tells me, not for the first time, how he wants a girl to propose to him. i tell him how i would never propose to a guy, no matter what.

"why not?" he asks.

"i can't even ask a guy out on a date when i'm single, and you think i could ask someone to marry me? no way. what if the guy said no?" i answer.

cause really, if i'm so afraid to even ask someone out cause i don't want the rejection of asking someone out and them saying no, how horrible would it be to ask someone to spend their life with you and them say no? i think once girls are ready to be married, and are with the right person, they drop little hints to some extent, making it known what they want. do guys do the same thing? i think not. in my personal experience, even when a guy says he could see himself spending his life with you it is not a sure bet. so i think i'm really going to pass on the whole proposing thing. not that i don't admire girls who have done it. good for you. but me, no way. call me traditional, call me what you want, but i want the guy to propose to me.

as some may know, tomorrow is my birthday. i've noticed over the past few years that birthdays aren't quite as exciting as they used to be. all part of getting older i'm sure. last year was kind of miserable off and on throughout the day for reasons i will not write here. and this will be my first birthday when none of my close friends are around. and yeah, i know, the argentinian is here. but that's not what i mean. even though i have friends here, none of the people i've known forever are around. it's kind of weird. cause at least one of them has always been around. not that i think that it will be a bad birthday or that i'll be upset over it. i'm sure i'll be fine. it's just kind of different.

thoughts in a bagel shop

so i went down to get a bagel this morning, and was reading through the horoscopes they have taped up to the cash register. here's mine:

The conventional wisdom is not to burn your bridges, but if no bridge were ever burned, you'd be stuck with old, decrepit bridges and no room to build new ones.

i don't really put much stock in the whole horoscope thing (though this really seems to be more advice than telling my fortune or something), but i got to thinking about this, while waiting for my bagel. it totally makes sense. i thought particularly in regards to relationships. if you hold on to the past so much, and all of the things that happened, and how much you did or did not get hurt, then you won't be able to effectively move forward with someone new. maybe everyone doesn't have problems with that, but i do, and some of my friends do (we all know who we are). i know i'll probably never be able to just forget everything i've been through, and i probably wouldn't want to since it's made me who i am. but maybe i'll be able to not let it still affect me, and how i respond to certain situations. cause obviously EVERY guy can't always turn out bad, or go back on what they say. otherwise, how would you explain the growing number of my friends who are getting engaged?

i'm going crazy

so today i woke up, and for some crazy reason, i was really in the mood to listen to some soundtracks. not like movie soundtracks necessarily. but broadway musical soundtracks. it is the most bizarre thing. so that's what i've been listening to all day. a compilation cd of like the "best" of andrew lloyd webber, evita, chicago, this other compilation of songs, and moulin rouge (yes i know, a movie soundtrack, not broadway). i was kind of bummed to find out i left a couple at home that i was kind of wanting to listen to. and i'm kind of embarrassed to admit that i own so many soundtracks from broadway musicals, but oh well. it's not like i hide them behind books in my cd collection. a girl's entitled to like a musical now and then. i wonder how long this phase will last.

i wonder...

my company uses really colorful folders. there are hardly any plain beige-y ones that are "normal" folder colors. they are all in pinks, blues, greens, purples, and more. i wonder if this is some sort of attempt to brighten up the workplace. an attempt to make it seem more "fun". cause it doesn't.

i'm not sure exactly how much i believe in the whole concept of karma. it does seem to be true occasionally. the whole-what-goes-around-comes-around concept can't be all wrong. especially when people can make it happen...

so here's what happened, the reason for that whole little blurb up there. the argentinian and i were laying around talking the other night. i am not sure how it even came up, but we were talking about babies or something like that, not us having babies, but just in general. that is until he says something, i forget exactly what, implying he wants to have one now (not like at that minute, but you get what i mean). i am just like, "what?!?" he finds my flustered reaction funny, and starts laughing. i was caught totally offguard, cause what guy jokes about wanting a baby? i have never felt more like a guy in any of my relationships than i did in that one moment. so a few days later we were going to meet a friend from sacramento for breakfast, and i was having trouble deciding what to wear. i put on this one shirt, which is empire-waisted, and so kind of poofs out a bit. i ask him if it makes me look in the beginning stages of pregnancy, and to give his honest opinion. he actually tells me yes. which i'm glad he is honest. i'm like, "ok, i'm going to change. i'll just save this until i actually am pregnant. in like five months." he says, "what? no." i fake sadness and say, "you wouldn't want to have a baby with me? that's so mean." which he takes me all serious and tells me no, it's not that. he just doesn't want one now. and something that we would have a cute baby. i tell him it is just a joke, and to just relax. i had to balance things out.

new roommate

my new roommate is coming today. i'm a little nervous. what if we have absolutely nothing in common, and nothing to really talk about. my worst nightmare. i've never lived with someone i knew nothing about before. i've been at the very least an acquaintance with them. plus i still have some stuff in her room that needs to be moved. the argentinian and i were going to move it last night, but never got around to it. (get your minds out of the gutter, we were just too lazy/tired to move the stuff. i mean you p.bear...) i tried moving the dresser myself, and i got like maybe 3 feet, and gave up. i'm waiting til someone else gets here so i don't have to drag it all the way across the apartment. i should probably get back to work cleaning up...

proof at a certain age you should stop going to bars

a coworker of mine went to a bar over the weekend. well, a group of them did actually, and since i was out of town, i did not join them. she is probably in her late 30s or early 40s. not prime going out age. she ended up falling (or something, no one is quite sure how it happened) and breaking her ankle. she had to get surgery for said injury, and is now not coming into work for a while, because she'd have to be in a wheel chair. i know deep down age doesn't really have anything to do with it...but it kind of just proves my point.

waiting for 5

so i got a job working at a pharmaceuticals company. overall, a very easy job. and it's nice to finally have some real source of income. what i hate: being tired all the time. it seems like i don't have much time just to relax and recouperate before i have to wake up and do the whole thing all over again the next day. the only saving grace is that the people are all really quite nice. without that i think i wouldn't be able to stand it. but every once and a while i realize that i will be working, maybe not at the same company, for the rest of my life basically. or at least a good chunk of it.

i've decided that as far as me owning a car goes, at least in the city of san diego, i am doomed to bad luck. my car had a recent run in...with a wall. i hardly have any problems with my cars when i lived up in sacramento, but whenever i live in san diego suddenly an onslought of problems occur. it's strange.